Every once in a while we have an interaction with someone that leaves us feeling frustrated and unfulfilled, and where we didn't get what we most wished for. Here's how one of these interactions might play out:
You're talking with one of your team members about the best way to solve a customer problem. You offer a few suggestions but he doesn't seem to be taking them very seriously. A wish is born: to have your opinion respected, to have your voice heard.
But wishes are always born twins. Together with this wish comes another thought: your expectation on how the other person will respond to your wish. In our earlier scenario, you might expect that if you asserted yourself you will be looked down upon. So instead of doing that, you quickly end the conversation and walk away feeling frustrated and defeated.
That pattern: your wish, how you expect others to respond to your wish, and what you end up doing instead, is different for each person.
But for each person, it's always the same.
We're each taught a single script that we play out all of our life. And we've learned it so well we don't even realize we're playing it out.
Step 1, as always, is awareness.