5 ways to turn the lockdown into an opportunity to transform yourself
COVID-19 has thrown our plans for 2020, and maybe even 2021, down the drain. Almost everything that we’ve intended for this year has been put on hold. Maybe that’s why so many people are calling this period “The Great Pause”, as if we have put our lives literally on pause and are waiting for someone to press the play button.
The reality, however, is that our lives are not paused. The months are still passing, and they won’t be added to the balance of our lifetimes.
There’s another way of looking at the world we’re in now. We’re not living through a Great Pause, but rather a Great Transition.
Why a transition?
There’s a pretty good sense by now that we’re not going to go back to the life we had before, that we’re headed to a “new normal”. But we speak of this new normal as if it already exists and we’re just waiting to get to it. The reality is that what ends up emerging as the new normal is up to you. The time to transform yourself is now.
Why now?
Because almost every routine that has been keeping you in autopilot mode has been disrupted. You no longer work, meet, eat, celebrate, socialize, exercise or learn the same way. Everything has changed. We have spent the last three months reinventing how we do everything in our lives. And now that lockdown is starting to relax, we are relearning how things used to be.
We don’t have to go back to the way things used to be. Now is the time to decide how you want to live your life post-lockdown. But before you get started, abandon all those goals you have about losing weight, making more money or improving the relationships in your life. This isn’t the time for “New Year resolution” type goals. We’re talking total transformation here, the kind that will change the way you look at the world, and your life.
So what can you do then? Here are 5 things you can do to take advantage of the lockdown and begin to design a life that will bring you happiness and personal fulfillment.
1. Embrace uncertainty
In this transitional period we’re not standing still. We’ve left something behind and we’re moving towards something new, even though we have not yet arrived. This can feel frustrating primarily because it brings with it a feeling of uncertainty. If you think about it, this goes against everything we’ve been taught in school and at work, where we are expected to know exactly where we’re headed and to have a plan to get there.
People have different ways of dealing with uncertainty. Some people try to overanalyze, using their rational minds to try to regain some sense of certainty. Others ignore what’s going on and continue to act like everything is fine (“it’s just a flu!”). I’ve also seen many people try to exert control over some aspect of their lives, even if it is completely unrelated to what’s happening.
Unfortunately, all of these are just defense mechanisms that don’t achieve much.
There’s a much better way of dealing with uncertainty. Rather than trying to reduce or control uncertainty, embrace it!
There were many times in your life where everything was new. The first month at university, your first job, or the first year with your new husband or wife. In those periods of transition you did not enter trying to control uncertainty and exercise control. Instead, you entered with a sense of curiosity and with a longing for discovery and exploration.
Enter this period of uncertainty with a sense of curiosity, and with a longing for discovery and exploration
See the things in your life as if for the first time. I’ve heard from many people that they feel that they’re getting to know a new side of their children, a side they had never seen before.
Ask yourself daily: What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? What are the emotions and desires that are emerging for us in our daily experience?
2. Journal
Write daily about your transitional period experiences. Capture thoughts and feelings that come to you. Write about conversations that you have with others that stick in your mind. If you have nothing to say, practice automatic writing, where you just put pen to paper (or hands on keyboard) and write through an unfiltered stream of thought. If even that fails, doodle or draw.
When you have spent a couple of weeks journaling, go back and reread your entries. When you look back at those words and images, they will offer you clues about what you were feeling at the time. You will notice patterns emerge, and you will begin to notice insights emerging.
We live our lives feeling like many of the experiences we have are fresh, and that our emotions about them are always justified. But with the clarity of hindsight, we start to notice ways in which our mind plays tricks on us, and with this new awareness we can begin to change.
3. Have deeper conversations
Our conversations with family and friends, and even people we don’t know so well, present us with daily opportunities to learn more about ourselves and each other. We are conditioned to always navigate conversations towards a comfortable place. If someone confides in us that they are feeling bad we often rush to try to make them feel better. Similarly, if someone is having a positive experience we immediately celebrate.
Rather than staying at the surface, practice trying to deepen awareness. Instead of jumping in with judgment (“that’s great!”, “that’s not fair!”, “you shouldn’t feel this way”), try to connect to the other with a sense of curiosity. Ask questions that reveal and help you and the other person understand their experiences better. Here are some questions to get you started:
Why do you feel this way?
What does this remind you of?
When was the last time you felt this way?
Why are you blaming yourself? Why are you blaming them?
4. Follow discomfort
Early in the lockdown period I was happy with the time I was saving by not having to go into the office. I also experienced a sense of time slowing down and of being more present. But as the lockdown progressed I found myself feeling frustrated for, what seemed at first, no reason at all. I had trouble getting work done and my productivity on certain tasks dropped despite my best efforts at staying focused. At first I tried pushing those feelings aside, after all there was work to do.
Then I realized that these frustrations were here to stay, so rather than trying to push them away, I decided to sit with them and to listen to what they were telling me.
What was I really feeling? The deeper I went the more I realized that that anger was actually shame. Shame that was coming from the tasks that I didn’t think were useful or productive.
Then I followed that feeling even deeper, and I discovered that the shame came from fear. Why wasn’t I speaking up? Why wasn’t I sharing my concerns about the work and my ideas on how to make it better? What was stopping me? Those questions became a catalyst for another personal transformation, another opportunity to discover and change something in me that I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to experience if it weren’t for the lockdown.
As a result of this awareness, I brought my concerns and suggestions about the work we were doing to my manager, and this led to some changes that I thought were important.
The lockdown stripped away all the busy-ness and noise, and put me face to face with some of my deepest emotions.
We’ve learned to fill our days with things to do, and this helps distract us from some of our more uncomfortable emotions. But that’s precisely why we don’t change. Personal breakthrough lies in facing negative emotions head-on.
5. Experiment
Another way that our childhood conditioning affects us is by encouraging us to only do the things that have predictable results. We’re supposed to be confident about what we’re doing and why we’re doing it.
The problem with doing only things where you know what the outcome is going to be is that you never get to experience anything new. You can get advice from someone else who has gone down a certain path, and they can show you where it leads. But that also just leads you to paths that others have taken.
The current period is a great time to try new things, even things that have a slim chance of paying off. It might seem illogical and a complete waste of time, but if you feel inclined to do something then just do it. Many of the things that have brought joy and value to people have been things that at first appeared useless.
Final thoughts
The period we’re going through could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to put your life on a different trajectory. When else will you get the chance to put so many things in your life on hold? In order to transform, you have to slow down, not speed up. One of my university professors, in a humorous but accurate twist of a well known expression, once told us: “Don’t just do something, stand there!”
As you stand there, think about what is happening to you during this transitional period. Begin asking yourself simple questions that can have deep and far-reaching answers.
What do you want to keep from your pre-lockdown life? Which friends have proven to be the ones you really care about? What tasks and hobbies do you love doing?
What things did you try that you want to keep doing? Are there things that you started doing during lockdown that you’d like to continue to do after lockdown (such as reading, connecting with people outside your usual circle, or cooking)?
What is emerging for you? What feelings are coming out? What new behaviors and preferences are surfacing for you?
What do you want to stop? What things have you been forced to stop doing that you now realize didn’t bring you joy? For example, are there specific social circles that you felt obliged to participate in but are actually glad are over now?
These questions, and others, are clues to deeper realizations that can have profound implications on your life. The idea is not to find the answers, but just to ask the questions and see where they lead you.
Which one of these 5 strategies will you implement in your life today?